Two Confessions… on the making of this video
by Amara Charles on March 30, 2009
in Essays & Observations, Videos
Amara Charles
The first is kind of a cool secret:
I happen to have a masters degree in film and video (which, to my mother’s dismay, I haven’t overtly ‘used’ in about 25 years.) So making video is a total artistic OMG!!!! The technology finally got easy enough even for me. I bought a new camera and then a new Mac, and presto, you pretty much just plug them in together and everything ‘works!’ Combine this with traveling, music, tea, wonderful people and spiritual joy and I’d say a new episode might just be poking through the surface… So stay tuned.
The second confession is a bit more serious and up until now, a bit more more private…
I quit smoking and here’s the how and why it happened:
The first night I am in the monastery, which is virtually a world unto itself - called the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas - with street names like Compassion and Virtue Way. Everywhere there are devout nuns, monks, and mostly Asian practitioners from around the world. We are all staying in an enormous building that was once - and I am not kidding - an insane asylum. Returning to our room after an entire day of recitation I am dying for a cigarette. Of course there is no smoking permitted within the place, so I must go outside to sneak one. This is day one of seven. I’m thinking, God, this is awful. Ridiculous. I can’t do this here.
Then, I imagine one of the Buddhist nuns, with shaven head, lighting up. That is it! It’s just so funny, and so sad an image I say to myself, That’s it! I am quitting. So, in addition to meditating and chanting for seven days, I am privately going through severe nicotine withdrawal.
Now, for those of you who know… the Nicotine Demons get furious when you don’t feed them. They start crawling through your skin and putting fog into your brain, or maybe it’s some of that smoke you’ve been breathing for years. I read in one of Venerable Master Hsuan Hua’s dharma talks that the celestial beings stay away from those who smoke because they dislike the smell.
Now there’s an argument for quitting that I haven’t heard. Even the Gods won’t come near you… It all seems so incongruous here, smoking; such a strange, yet gripping habit.
Quitting at the monastery turns out to be easier than trying at home because it is simply absurd there. And I am quite preoccupied each day from 3 am ’til 10 pm. The real trick is now that I am back in my cozy home, all alone, with only me to know what’s up, the Nicotine Demons are racing back, more furious than ever over my refusal to submit to their cravings.
What is truly a private victory for me encapsulated in the making of this video is… it’s 100% smoke free! You see, my habit of artistically creating something while smoking goes back to my teenage rebellion years. Now, I am rebelling against my own fabrications and delusions. Instead of breaking away from others, going off to smoke while I create something personal and beautiful (the two have a long romance together in my mind), I am staying up ’til 5 am making this video, and well… just ‘forgetting’ to smoke. I take a deep breath over that.
It has been 2 weeks as of this writing. One day, one breath at a time. Wish me good fortune.
p.s. About the peacocks: They roam freely all around the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas and you can hear the cackles of their cries each afternoon while you meditate.
Quehestemehah
You Dance In My Heart
In Beauty, Amara
FROM JUNIPER:
“The story about quitting smoking in your news letter was inspiring. I put down the pack about two weeks ago and I am with you sister. I must confess, I have caved to my urges a few times but I keep on keeping on. It keeps me strong to know that you are out there making it happen. Loving you!”
FROM AMARA:
Thanks for the support Juniper, need it! Just for fun, Google Nicotine deamons. You wont believe it. Hey, and dont sweat the speed bumps, just keep thinking how great you FEEL!
In Beauty, Amara
TWEET from STEPHEN:
ernamae @by_designwise Enjoyed the video very much as well as Amara’s moving story. For a few minutes, I felt as if I were there.
–
Stephen
Cool, Thanks!
FROM ANNA MARTI
Congratulations on your video, and being smoke-free! Oddly enough, I stopped smoking 2 weeks ago as well. I have had an occassional 1/2 of one, but they no longer ‘do me’ and it is strangely interesting that it seems to just have fallen away with little effort, except an intention that my allergies were kicking my ass and I just decided to be a whole lot more mindaul. Are you and Shayna going to make an appearance in Sedona? I always love to see you guys.
xo
Anna
Hi Anna,
Thanks so much for your support! Really need it now! Dez asked me to present but I am really busy with some deadlines so I dont think I will be at the conference. Next time. Keep on keepin on darling. Amara
FROM RANDALL
Thanks Amara for the video. I am also a film grad from San Francisco State (class of 1968). I liked your framing, movement, appropriate dissolves
and intermix of still and live footage — my feelings were wrapped around your way of seeing/expressing images, sound, and yeah, I feel this is how I
shape the world in the creative re-mix of my mind (the visual and auditory sea-scapes of the world) and how it seems virtually impossible to share my
inner visions with just verbal sharing or words (since only film/video can bring the inner feeling out for others to see). Your creative expression in the
video helps me know you in a better way, so thanks again. Randall
Great to hear from you Randall!!!!! Glad you liked the video. Hope to hear from you again! In beauty, Amara
Hey Amarra
I am still feeling really good and after 3 months and I see real big changes in myself. I am more available to myself, my wife and others. All very positive.
My big thing is to use my energy (and the energy of others, with permission) to propel myself from where I am to beyond. I need to focus on were and what I want to be, though.
I still feel the energy pulsing through my body.
I have come to “more” realize that I am a sexual being and that fabulous.
I went to this party (60 people) and I was chatting in a small group (10 people) and I was giving this women a “hard time” (you know in my special “let’s see what kind of response I can get way”). Well she gave it back to me…she asked what my weakness were! At first I was taken back. (You think I have weaknesses?!) Then realized that this was an opportunity. A real opportunity to look at myself. My wife was not around and it gave me an opportunity to go for it. I quickly looked within and said you know I’m really lazy. As a group we talked about it some. Then I was asked for another weakness. That one I forgot. But my laziness comment has been with me for a while. And now when I don’t want to do something, I just do it because I don’t want to be lazy. It was so freeing to confront my weakness and move away from it!
Life is so much better when you confront your weakness and fears.
I look forward to confronting more weakness and fears and pushing forward!
Can you tell me the name of the songs that you played during the energy exchanging sessions?
Ricardo